Catch All The Girlfriends! Read online

  The moon was almost full, bathing the two travellers in her pale light. For several moments all was still. Her large dark eyes were limpid pools, as dark and deep as space. He took this chance to bring up her stats for the first time:

  NAME: Starlotte (Starry)

  LEVEL: 5

  NATURE: Reserved

  TYPE: Interstellar

  ACC.: NIL

  HP: 25/25

  - ATTACK: 2

  - DEFENSE: 2

  - SPCL ATTACK: 5

  - SPCL DEFENSE: 3

  - SPEED: 3

  MOVESET:

  Gaze - Type: Normal - 29/30 PP (Lower defense by staring into opponent’s eyes, stun effect for 3 seconds.)

  Starlotte used Gaze!

  “Hey stop that!” Yoshi barked. Starlotte blinked and looked away.

  “Sorry,” Starlotte said contritely. “I didn’t mean to.”

  “Sorry,” Yoshi said lamely. He knew she didn’t mean any harm, but the speed at which he felt his knees weakening when she looked at him made him panic. It also didn’t help that her eyes were gorgeous and gave him a hard-on. “The sooner I finish this errand, the sooner you can go back to the lab.”

  “I don’t want to go back to the lab,” she said.

  “Well, I can’t release you back into the wild. I would if I was the one who had caught you.”

  “I don’t want to go back into the wild.”

  She wasn’t making this easy. “Let’s just see how things go, OK? Maybe you’ll change your mind. Come on; go back inside your ring.”

  “If it’s OK with you, I’d prefer to walk outside,” Starlotte said.

  “Um…” Yoshi looked around. Lamp posts illuminated the paths outside town. There were a few public seating areas. Most were unoccupied. There wouldn’t be any tall grass to walk through for a while. “I guess you can.”

  Her smile was small, shy and sweet.

  They kept walking, following the lit paths in silence. The blue-haired girlfriend became more and more relaxed. She began humming a nameless melody, looking at the moon. Yoshi kept sneaking peeks at her, trying to catch a bit of side boob action through the gaps in her blouse. She was a B-cup at best, but Yoshi had never been one to discriminate.

  There were some people ahead. Starlotte hovered around to Yoshi’s other side, putting as much distance between herself and the strangers as possible. A guy sat in the middle of a park bench. He had his arms around a girlfriend on both his left and right: one looked like a rodent species while the other was clearly of bug origin. Kneeling in front of him with her hand stroking his member was a girlfriend with red fur and cat ears he hadn’t seen before.

  “It’s another trainer,” Yoshi said under his breath. “Don’t make eye… wait, Asshat?”

  “Hey, if it ain’t Yoshi!” Asshat hurriedly stood and zipped his pants up. “What are you doing so far from Topaz?”

  “I’m setting off today as well. Just had some loose ends to tie up, so I left home a bit later,” Yoshi lied. “Going to the Merah League, beat your ass along the way, get my name etched up amongst the legends. You know, all in a day’s work.” The girlfriend who had been on her knees appeared to wipe her hand on the back of her skirt while eyeing Yoshi.

  “Uh… huh. Pretty sure Gramps said that he’d given out all the girlfriends for this year. How do you like my Charmaine? She’s strong as fuck. Helped me capture the strongest Chippie and Macy around here. She levels easily too; already level 10.”

  “Charmaine…” Yoshi pulled out his dad’s old GF-wiki. “Sorry, just give me a sec…” He pointed it at Asshat’s red-haired girlfriend:

  Name: Charmaine

  Entry No.: 1

  Type: Fire

  Species: Feline

  Rarity: **

  Charmaines make ideal starter girlfriends. Their obedience and attractiveness are counterpoints to their heated attacks, which have been known to decimate an entire trainer’s team.

  “What girlfriend’s that?” Asshat asked, peering around Yoshi.

  “It’s Starlotte. Your grandpa set her aside especially for me.”

  “Hey you want to battle?” Asshat crossed his arms and his three girlfriends stood around him, staring down at Yoshi and Starlotte.

  “Nah,” Yoshi said quickly. “Not tonight.”

  “Come on. I’ll go easy on you,” he laughed. “ But seriously, I just caught Chippie like a couple hours ago. She’s still only level 7. Haven’t really had a chance to raise her yet.”

  “Actually, Professor Poke’s just sent me to run an errand, I’ve got to get to the Celeste Caverns ASAP and meet one of his contacts.”

  “Celeste Caverns hey? I was talking to some locals in Onyx. Something’s going down at the Caverns. They won’t let anyone in.”

  “Yeah well, they’ll let me in.” Yoshi pulled his phone out and waggled it mysteriously. “I have a contact to call once I get there.”

  Asshat raised an eyebrow. “Whatever dude. Guess we’ll battle next time then.”

  “Yeah, definitely.”

  Asshat sat back down. “Alright Macy, your turn.”

  “Ugh, that guy. Couldn’t he find a room?” Yoshi looked across at Starry. She hadn’t said anything since that encounter. The paved stone paths had ended; the comfort of the yellow street lamps was behind them. Ahead, all they could see was grass that grew so tall it tickled their chins.

  “You should go back into your ring now.”

  Starry shook her head. “I… need to learn an attack.” Her voice was still quiet but now contained an edge of determination.

  “Well, you can’t in your current state. You only know one move and it can’t deal any damage. How are you going to get any EXP if you can’t even defend yourself?”

  “Can we fight together?” Starry suggested. “I can use Gaze and you can…”

  “What? Punch up the wild girlfriends?” Yoshi said, an eyebrow raised. She didn’t have anything to say to that. The grass rustled ahead of the clearing, parting to form a battle ring.

  Shit… not now…

  Wild Sophie appeared!

  “You’re back are ya, cunt? Come on, give me your best shot!” The wild girlfriend held her arms up, brown feathers fanning out from her forearms, hands balled into fists. “Wait, you’re not that guy with the Charmaine.” She dropped her arms, warily looking between Yoshi and Starry.

  My first wild girlfriend sighting! He pulled out the GF-wiki and pointed it at her:

  Name: Sophie

  Entry No.: 17

  Type: Flying

  Species: Bird

  Rarity: *

  Sophies can be found all over Ohno. A girlfriend of the avian variety, Sophies make up for an inability to fly by relying on foot speed and a short, sharp beak to deal damage to their opponents.

  “Hey dude you done checking me out? Let’s battle!” Sophie said with a glint in her eye.

  “We’re not battling. Starry, let’s–”

  “No.” She stood in front of Yoshi. “I’m not running.”

  Yoshi threaded his ring finger into the ring sitting at his belt and pulled it out. “Starry, come back.” He pointed the ring at Starlotte. A beam of blue light shot out towards the girlfriend. She evaded it and looked back, long hair cascading down her shoulder.

  Wild Sophie used Bird Run!

  The wild Sophie crash tackled Starry. Her health bar dropped to 18/25. Yoshi threw himself on top of the wild girlfriend and after a brief wrestle, hooked his arms under hers and dragged her off.

  “What’s the deal, bro? Let your girlfriend fight for you!” Sophie squawked.

  “Son of a–” He let go of the flying-type and grabbed his foot. “You didn’t need to stomp me.”

  Starlotte got to her feet, swaying slightly. She locked eyes with the wild bird girlfriend.

  Starry used Gaze!

  Wild Sophie’s defense fell!

  Sophie’s knees buckled slightly. She shook her head vigorously, folded her arms back then ran at Starlotte again.


  “Get out of the way!” Yoshi yelled.

  Starry spun away, her blouse fluttering in the breeze just as Sophie rushed past her. The avian girlfriend ground to a stop, then turned around. She flapped her arms, kicking up a dust cloud.

  Wild Sophie used Sand Screen!

  Starry devolved into a coughing fit. She couldn’t open her eyes either, disabling her only move. Now she was completely defenseless.

  Wild Sophie used Bird Run!

  Critical Hit!

  Yoshi’s girlfriend crashed into a miserable pile on the ground, with only 1 HP left. “Starry! Get back!”

  “Nooo–!”

  The blue laser hissed out of the ring and hit Starlotte. Her image skipped but wouldn’t zing back into the ring.

  “What the hell? What gives?”

  Cannot withdraw only girlfriend in the middle of a battle!

  “Oh come on!” He rushed over to his Starlotte, draping her arm around his shoulder. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, bruises marring her pale face. Don’t faint on me.

  “What sort of trainer are you, man?” Sophie jeered, hands on hips.

  “Can you just… go away?” Yoshi pleaded. “My girlfriend has no attacks. She can’t defend herself.”

  “Not my problem.”

  Sophie took a few steps back and broke into a sprint, feathered arms by her side.

  Wild Sophie used Bird Run!

  Yoshi slid his girlfriend onto the floor. He took a few steps forward, planted his legs wide apart and spread his arms out.

  If only I’d woken up a little bit earli–

  3

  Burned!

  “HRRRNNNGH–” Yoshi doubled over, clutching his gut.

  “What the fuck, dude? What sort of trainer protects their girlfriend?”

  Yoshi blinked. The multiple copies of Sophie with her feathered hands on her hips refused to disappear.

  “Yoshi! Are you OK?” Starlotte’s dark eyes brimmed with concern before turning back to Sophie. “Don’t hurt him,” she warned, raising her fists. “I am your opponent.”

  Sophie laughed at her attempt to sound intimidating. “Hey, don’t blame me. He threw himself in front of you.” She stood there, arms crossed, appraising the interstellar girlfriend. “You’re weak. Why are you so weak?”

  “Starry…” Yoshi murmured, still in a daze. She gripped her fists tighter, adopting a southpaw stance. She broke off into a run, straight towards the flying-type.

  Wild Sophie used Sand Screen!

  Starlotte squeaked and ground to a halt, covering her face with her hands. Sophie raised her left hand…

  “Stop!” Yoshi yelled.

  Sophie held her arm aloft, staring at the pathetic scene in front of her.

  “Why should I?”

  Yoshi got to his feet, rushing over to Starlotte. He shoved her behind him and looked into the flying-type’s eyes. “Because…” Sophie cocked her head, eyeing him as if he was a worm she was about to peck out of the ground. “Because I can help you.”

  “You? Help me?” Sophie laughed. “You can’t even help yourself.”

  “Do you want to become stronger?”

  She crossed her arms again. “Pfft yeah. What girlfriend doesn’t want to become stronger?”

  Yoshi had no idea where the hell he was going with this. “Well you won’t get stronger staying in Route 17. What are you going to do? Fight other Sophies and Macies, the occasional trainer?”

  Sophie glared at him. “Yeah. What’s it to you?”

  “All I’m trying to say is, you’re only as good as the team you have around you. I can tell you’re strong. Come with me and I’ll make you even stronger.”

  Sophie narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been waiting for the right trainer to say those words to me.” She took a step towards him and pecked him on the forehead, creating a gash.

  “Ow!”

  “You are not that trainer.”

  As Yoshi scrubbed the blood out of his hair, Starry jostled in front of Yoshi again, fists balled.

  Starlotte used Gaze!

  “Don’t even think about it, sister,” Sophie warned.

  Gaze failed!

  “As much as it hurt being beat up by that Charmaine, I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like being with her trainer.” Sophie had a faraway look in her eyes. “I bet that he would be able to fluff my feathers up…”

  “I could do that too,” Yoshi said, hauling himself to his feet.

  Sophie snorted with laughter. “You? Please. You couldn’t fluff a pillow.”

  If it wasn’t bad enough that he had been lent a girlfriend who didn’t even have an offensive move, he was now being insulted by the first wild one that he crossed paths with. This was nothing like how he had envisioned his first day as a trainer.

  “Yoshi could do that!” Starlotte retorted, cheeks flushing light pink.

  “He’s not fooling anyone and neither are you, virgin,” the bird-kin jeered, hands on hips. Starry blushed, averting her gaze.

  Sophie stopped laughing, wiping a tear out of her eye. “Mark my words: you’re one of the most pathetic trainers I have ever come across.” Yoshi almost wished that Sophie would just defeat Starlotte right there and then. Living another year with his parents was less painful than the humiliation she was dishing out.

  “…And that is why I’m going with you.”

  Yoshi snapped his head up. “What?”

  Sophie smiled smugly, looking at her nails. “I know, I know, I am a generous god.”

  “You want to be my girlfriend because I’m…”

  “Weak? Yeah.” She took a few steps back. “You were right about one thing. Route 17’s getting old and I ain’t getting any younger. Besides the Charmaine trainer, I haven’t seen many others. None that have made me laugh as much as you, anyway.” She snorted and re-composed herself. “I feel sorry for you and for Starlotte. If there’s one thing her and I have in common, it’s that we want to become stronger.” She eyed the blue-haired girlfriend standing behind Yoshi.

  “So… you’ll be my girlfriend then? Really?”

  She splayed her fingers out towards him. “Hurry up before I change my mind.”

  Yoshi threaded a finger into a blank ring and pulled it out of his belt. Sophie yanked her hand away just as Yoshi made to grab it.

  “I have one condition.”

  “Name it.”

  “I’m not the type to stay tied down. I’m not going to get married to you one day and hatch chicks. All I want to do is get stronger, evolve, learn how to fly, reach new heights.” Her eyes were bright. “The day that I want to leave, you have to let me go.”

  “Umm… OK, I guess.” There were tens of thousands of Sophies in Ohno. And she was just one of many flying-types. Something told Yoshi that he would have no problem honoring her request when the time came.

  She put her hand back out, curling all her fingers but her pinkie. “You promise?”

  Yoshi slipped the ring onto her smallest finger. “I do.”

  You have caught Sophie!

  Sophie’s details will be added to the GF-wiki.

  Holy shit… my first caught girlfriend! He shoved the little voice that told him it didn’t count to the back of his mind. She let me catch her, that’s all that counts.

  He had a quick scroll through her stats:

  NAME: Sophie

  LEVEL: 7

  NATURE: Bossy

  TYPE: Flying

  ACC.: Cream Puff

  HP: 34/34

  - ATTACK: 7

  - DEFENSE: 6

  - SPCL ATTACK: 6

  - SPCL DEFENSE: 7

  - SPEED: 8

  MOVESET:

  Bird Run - Type: Flying - 35/35 PP (Run at foes and crash tackle them)

  Sand Screen - Type: Normal - 40/40 PP (Lower accuracy by kicking and flapping sand up into opponent’s face)

  He slid the ring back into the bracket on his belt and looked up at Starlotte. “What’s wrong?”

  She
stared at the ring, eventually looking away. “Nothing.”

  Yoshi had more than enough experience with mixed messages from women, mainly from watching her mom give them to his dad. Left to fester, they could mutate into something ugly, affecting the mood and supposedly the performance of the girlfriend in battle. Better deal with it now.

  “With Sophie, you’ll be able to get stronger. You will start every battle first, and I’ll swap you out before the opposing girlfriend has a chance to attack you. When she beats them, you guys’ll share the EXP.”

  Facing away from him, she tilted her head slightly. Was that a nod?

  “Come on, let’s keep going.” He started moving away from her. She clasped onto his wrist, jerking him back. “What’s–?” She stood on the tips of her toes, planting her lips on his.

  Holy shit! My first kiss! Starlotte let go of his hand and moved closer to Yoshi. What do I do with my hands? They ended up resting above Starlotte’s perky butt as he pulled her into his body.

  She stepped away from him, breaking the spell. “You didn’t have to stand up for me before.”

  “Yes I… that’s OK.” He shuffled his feet apart, failing to hide the hard-on straining out of his pants. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have been able to capture Sophie.”

  The statement technically was correct, but both of them knew that Yoshi ‘capturing’ his first wild girlfriend was less skill and more pure luck.

  “Um, if you could not tell Professor Poke about what happened, that would be great.” Starlotte nodded once, her long eyelashes batting downwards. “Sooo… do you want to get back in the ring, or…”

  Starlotte shook her head. “I want to train.”

  “Let’s go and find some more girlfriends then. But you have to get back into your ring when I tell you to, OK? I have to find you a healing potion or something when we get to Onyx.”

  Yoshi and Starry continued along Route 17 in silence. They walked through the tall grass and besides a few rustles, no more girlfriends popped up. She did her best to hide her tiredness, averting her head and yawning into the back of her hand.